Amazon Product Reviews as a Literary Art Form

There seems to be an online subculture that treats product reviews on as a literary art form and an outlet for creative writing urges. Consider these:

For Perry’s Chemical Engineers Handbook:

A riveting book from start to finish!, October 17, 1998

Perry has outdone himself once again. The seventh edition is even more of a show-stopper than the previous editions. I read this book from cover to cover in one sitting, unable to put it down for a moment, not even to relieve myself! The molecular weights were so accurate and the heats of reaction made my spine tingle. Once I reached the section discussing distillation and tray efficiencies I [k]new I was hooked. I won’t give away the ending but it’s definitely a shocker. Bravo to Mr. Perry’s and I am counting the days to the release of your 9th edition!

For Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable (a $500 Ethernet cable to connect your music system to your IP-based speakers) (via):

A caution to people buying these: if you do not follow the “directional markings” on the cables, your music will play backwards.

Another for the same product:

After I took delivery of my $500 Denon AKDL1 Cat-5 uber-cable, Al Gore was mysteriously drawn to my home, where he pronounced that Global Warming had been suspended in my vicinity. Additionally, my cars began achieving 200 mpg and I didn’t even need gasoline. I was able to put three grams of cat litter into the tank and drive forever.

One heck of a cable.

Didn’t notice any improvement in audio quality though.

For How to Avoid Huge Ships:

I’ve been plagued by huge ships all my life. Ever since I can remember. This book tells you all you need to know about avoiding these everyday hazards. Now I can come and go with complete freedom. Even my weekly shopping is a pleasure!

For A Million Random Digits with 100,000 Normal Deviates (as a point of interest, 24% of people who view the page for this book buy “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Classic Regency Romance – Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem!” instead):

Such a terrific reference work! But with so many terrific random digits, it’s a shame they didn’t sort them, to make it easier to find the one you’re looking for.

Speaking of random, you just know that someone is going to compile all these reviews into a book and try to sell it on Amazon or eBay:

You can do this one in every 30 times and still have 97% positive feedback.